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 Christine Movie Sequel

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350 GC BB


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PostSubject: Christine Movie Sequel   Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:22 pm

While recovering from another round of health issues, I decided to write a fan fiction movie sequel after my car "Christine's Revenge"... There are some real stand up good people in our hobby who have helped me over the years. I decided to honor and thank them by "writing them in" as the inspiration for certain characters. Perhaps you'll recognize them! Let me know what you think good or bad. Here's the first 3 chapters... ENJOY!

CHRISTINE's REVENGE (The Movie Sequel)

©️ Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 1 "The Call"

"That's a lot of Candles" Dennis thought to himself as he sat down at the kitchen table. 56 to be exact. Still, he cracked a smile as Leigh and the boys sang happy birthday. After all, Dennis had a lot to be grateful for. He was a successful engineer with the city and Leah was a well tenured teacher and senior educator at Oakland Elementary. Somehow, they'd managed to stay grounded after all these years, a fact to which Dennis was very thankful. Life was good for the Guilder's and although they appreciated their professional successes, those always came second to family. It was moments like this when Leigh seemed happiest and although her condition was never far from his mind, Dennis made sure to keep things positive that day. He went out of his way to avoid bringing up what had transpired the day before. It had been years since Leah had a breakdown and the phone call out of the blue the day prior had undoubtedly put her on edge. In fact, it took them both by surprise. After not hearing from her for more than 10 years, Roseanne had called and asked Leigh to help with their upcoming high school reunion. "This is the big one" she said. "40 years doesn't happen every day” she exclaimed. Leigh was happy to hear from her but quickly felt flustered with all the details. As the conversation went on she had a tough time concentrating. She was ill prepared for the haunting memories and jagged images that quickly flooded into her mind. To save face she reluctantly agreed, only to pay the price later that night. Her nervous condition and anxiety had gotten the best of her and it showed. Dennis knew she was going on only a few hours of sleep. He had noticed the prescription bottle she’d left out on the vanity that morning along with their senior yearbook. It was still open to the page that included a photo of them together just before graduation.

Some things just weren’t talked about in their home and high school was one of them. It was something that the Guilders had gladly left behind many years before. It was a past that they reconciled together and as hard as some of the memories were, their shared experiences built the foundation for their love and marriage in 1985. Dennis waited until the boys headed home and decided to give Leigh an opportunity to talk if she needed to. She seemed very distant as she put the cake away and started cleaning up. As she rinsed the plates he quickly realized that she was staring off into nowheresville. Dennis decided to break the silence. "Need some help with those?" he asked. "No, I've got this" she replied. "Does this mean I get a foot rub while I read the paper and smoke my pipe in the recliner?" he joked. Leigh barely cracked a smile and replied, "Don't push it birthday boy". Dennis slowly walked up behind her and put his hands on her tensely shrugged shoulders and said, "let's focus on the positive ha?” “Let’s embrace the reunion for the good times OK?" Noticeably surprised he brought it up, Leigh smiled, exhaled in relief and said “OK” as she turned and gave him a quick kiss. "I wonder what ever became of Bemis" he chuckled. Leigh let out a big laugh as the thought of him seemed to bring on some much-needed comic relief. She smiled and said, "I want to see Roseanne to!" Dennis smiled back. "Since we're staying at my parents for thanksgiving we'll already be in town! Why not stay an extra week, so I can help out and then we’ll go?" asked Leigh. Dennis hesitated. “We’ve missed all the other reunions. This could be the last” She said. "Great idea!" Dennis replied, and so it was decided. Leigh had papers to grade and Dennis had a round of golf to squeeze in that afternoon, so it wasn’t long before they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

Meanwhile in Williams, life moved along at a much slower and laid-back pace for being only 20 miles from Oakland. This was the town that time forgot and the residents there preferred it that way. Little had changed there over the years except for the addition of the new wireless store on the corner. This rural town was off the beaten path and people still greeted each other along Main Streets historic shopping strip like something out of Mayberry. Over at Williams Hardware there was the typical Saturday afternoon hustle and bustle. Mr. Turner had inherited the store from his father in the 1970's and had been serving the close-knit community there for decades. He needed help and called in Ryan earlier that morning. "So, how's the new kid working out?" asked a regular patron. "Couldn't be happier" Mr. Turner replied. Ryan was diligently doing his best to help customers in between stocking the shelves and pricing items. He was working extra hard to impress Mr. Turner and had been for months. Ryan was coming up on his birthday and his father’s promise wasn't far from his thoughts. His father had told him that they would restore a car together one day so long as they split the costs 50/50. He was almost 18 and had been driving close to two years. He loved classic cars and had models proudly displayed on several shelves in his bedroom that they'd built together over the years.

That night Ryan waited until after Dinner and asked, "So Dad, how about we start looking for an old car to restore". "My Birthday's coming up ya know!" Ryan's father smiled and replied the same way he had so many times before. Almost robotically he said, 'When you save $500.00 I'll put in $500.00 and we'll get started." Ryan asked to be excused from the table and disappeared into his room. When he emerged, he presented a cigar box to his father. Perplexed, he picked it up and said "feels heavy." "Take a look" replied Ryan. He opened the box and saw the neatly arranged bills. $50's $20's 10's 5's you name it. Ryan triumphantly told his father "There's $507.26 there Dad!" as he stood there awaiting his parent’s approval. Surprised to say the least his father gave Ryan's mother a glaring look and awaited her response. "You promised" she said with a smile. With her approval the dye was cast. He smiled and couldn't help but think about how hard his son had worked to save the money. He proudly said, "Ok Kiddo...tomorrow we'll take a ride and see what we can find."

Ryan was so excited he could barely sleep. He had waited for this moment since he was a little boy. The next morning the family attended Sunday service at the Williams first Baptist church bright and early. His uncle James was pastor there and began the morning service with a question. "What does love mean to you?" he asked. "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son" he said. "Love means that you would make any sacrifice for those you care about". As the congregation listened intently Ryan's father looked over at his son and smiled. As hard as it was to part with any money with his dwindling hours at work, he decided that he wasn't going to disappoint his son. After Church they pulled into the driveway and Ryan's father told him to stay in the car. "Let's go for a drive" he said. Ryan's mother gladly opted out, wished them well and hurried inside. She wanted to get started on dinner early and get a few things done around the house. "let's go looking for cars" he said. Ryan excitedly jumped out of the back seat and into the front and they drove away. It wasn't long before they found themselves on the back roads heading toward rural route 7.
Ryan's father broke the silence and said, "Let's stop by the old salvage yard and see if anyone's around." As they pulled up Ryan took a deep breath. There was acre after acre of old cars and equipment as far as the eye could see. Mr. Fowler lived on the property and his old house sat prominently near the entrance. As they approached they saw him mending the mailbox out front. "Good Day John", said Ryan's father. "And a Good Day to you Richard White" he replied. "What brings you out this way?" he asked. "We're looking for a car" replied Richard "An old car for a father son project" he proclaimed. Mr. Fowler laughed and said, "We got plenty of projects around here" "Course that won't be for much longer" he said. "What do you mean?" asked Richard. "The environmental nazis finally got the town involved" he said. "They're worried about oil getting into the ground water blah blah blah". "I'm tired of fightin 'em so I've decided to start clearing the place out come the first of the new year." "I'm very sorry to hear that" replied Richard. "What's gonna become of all the cars?" asked Ryan. "Don't rightly know." replied Mr. Fowler. "Would you mind if we had a look around?" He asked. "Go right ahead" he replied, so Ryan and his father were off.

They spent the afternoon exploring the yard. There were cars everywhere in various stages of decay and disrepair. After a few hours Ryan began to get discouraged knowing that most of the wrecks they came across were to incomplete, damaged or beyond repair for a project. "We'd best start thinking about heading home" said Ryan's father. "Mom will have dinner ready in about an hour or so". Ryan begged his father to keep looking for just a half an hour more. He agreed, and they continued their search. Before long they found themselves in the deepest and oldest part of the yard. After another half an hour Ryan's father turned to his son and before he could say it he heard his son breathe in a deep gasp and take off running. As he caught up to his son he saw it. Between two old buses under the shade of an old Black Oak sat a lonely beat up 2 door hardtop. “Look at This Dad" said Ryan. "What is it?" he asked. Ryan's father wasn't sure and slowly looked the car over. It was the embodiment of late 1950's design for sure and Ryan's father soon found himself very impressed by the body lines and endless miles of chrome and stainless trim. The car showed its age but appeared to be solid and complete. "Resale red ha?" joked Ryan's father. "I love it" said Ryan. "This is it Dad!" He proclaimed as he proceeded to take picture after picture. So, without hesitation, Ryan and his father made their way back up to the house to talk to Mr. Fowler. As the three of them returned and approached the car, Ryan's father asked, "So what's the story with this one?" Mr. Fowler seemed confused as he looked the car over. "I don't recall" he said. An awkward silence followed. He thought about it long and hard but had no memory of where it came from or how long it had been there. "What would it take to buy this?" Asked Ryan's father. "I think $1500's fair" he replied. Ryan's father then told Mr. Fowler that they were looking to spend no more than $800.00. "You'd have to come up some" replied Mr. Fowler. Ryan began to get panicky and watched nervously as the two men went back and forth on the price. Finally, Ryan's father said, "If it were a 57 Chevy or a T-bird I could see that kind of money but it's not." Ryan then added his two cents and said, "It's a Plymouth!" Mr. Fowler tended to agree, and he suddenly remembered his troubles with the town. "Ok Rich" he said. "Best I can do is $1000.00". Ryan's father was hesitant but quickly noticed the desperate look on Ryan's face. "Delivered?" he asked. "Done deal" said Mr. Fowler. His father handed over the money and Mr. Fowler explained that he'd deliver the car some time the next day. Ryan could hardly contain his excitement. His heart was racing and as they drove home his mouth was going a mile a minute. "We should do this and that and this and that" he said. “We just made the best deal ever!” He exclaimed. His father stoically stopped him for a moment and said, “let me teach you something I learned a long time ago son.” “The best deal ever would have been us buying the car and leaving with some money left in our pockets don’t you think?” Ryan smiled and nodded but quickly resumed his excited monologue. Rich couldn’t help letting out a chuckle as he listened all the way home.

When they arrived, Ryan raced into the house and eagerly told his mother about their discovery. Ryan took out his cell phone to show his mother the pictures but soon found something was very wrong. All the pictures were distorted and dark. "You charge your phone?" asked Ryan's father, "Yes it had a full charge when we left!" He said. "Well then you'll have to show your mom tomorrow." he replied. Still happy as can be Ryan shook his father’s hand and sat down for dinner. Then he turned in for school with a grin from ear to ear. He was on top of the world.

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Chapter 2 "The Delivery"

Monday morning was a big day for Ryan. It was his first day as a senior at his new high school. His father had already left for work by the time he woke up, so he did his best to stay focused on learning his class schedule and not being late. As excited as he was about the car, he knew his father would want him to keep his priorities straight. Rockbridge was only a few miles east and the board of education decided earlier that year to bus the kids in from Williams county. There were too few of them to justify the continued expansion of the district. Things were hectic that morning and Ryan soon found himself overwhelmed and intimidated with the size and unfamiliar layout of his new school. As he approached his first class he was surprised to see Mr. Dunn standing outside the door. "Hey Mr. Dunn" he said. "Hello Ryan." he replied. "Surprised to see me?" Very surprised, Ryan asked him what gives. Mr. Dunn explained that he had transferred from their former high school and that he would be teaching there this year.“Are you going out for the varsity track team?” He asked. “Absolutely!” replied Ryan. “Well then I’ll see you Saturday!” said Mr. Dunn.

Comforted by a familiar face Ryan confidently entered the class and sat down near the front of the room. Mr. Dunn had been Ryan's teacher since grammar school and Ryan knew he took History very seriously. Just as he'd taken his seat and started getting comfortable, in walked Amy Fitzgerald. Ryan had an unspoken thing for her since the 5th grade and he soon found himself staring at her from afar. Whenever he saw her he was mesmerized and when he did, he struggled to stay composed as any smitten teenager would. As she took a quick glance around the room she made eye contact with him and smiled like only she could. Ryan smiled back. As he mustered the courage to say hello she instinctively broke eye contact as her boyfriend Tom Jacobs entered the room. He was a 6'2 football jock and he had a reputation for having a short fuse. It wasn't hard to spot him coming. He was wearing a brand-new letterman jacket, no doubt paid for by his father like everything else Ryan thought to himself. He couldn't help but notice the immediate change in Amy's demeanor. It was as if a little part of her died every time they were together, and Ryan couldn't understand what she saw in him.

Ryan had done well to steer clear of Tom throughout the years. He had gotten into everyone's face at one time or another and everyone knew his father was a state assemblyman. In their minds, that meant that he could do whatever he wanted. He also knew that Tom's father owned the plant where his father worked. How could he forget? Whenever Tom saw Ryan he made sure to remind him of that in his usual antagonistic fashion. Ryan was slightly shorter at 5’8 but athletic nonetheless. Regardless, Ryan was the one kid Tom could never get a rise out of. Their paths rarely crossed, and it looked as though he'd finally given up trying.

Back at the yard Mr. Fowler was growing more and more frustrated. He had searched high and low all morning for the title of the car. He was meticulous about paperwork and had never once lost a pink slip, let alone a receipt or scrap of paper. It wasn't long before his wife got involved. " It'll turn up" she said, as she looked through the drawers in the den. Mr. Fowler started to get worried. He really needed the money Rich had given him the day before and he knew how strict the state was when it came to documentation. The last thing he wanted was to give them a reason to come down on him even harder. He trusted that it would turn up by the time they delivered the car. He decided to make his way to the outbuilding behind the house to get the process started. As he approached he saw Oliver sitting in his usual chair with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Ollie had been hanging around since he was a kid and he was the go to guy who pulled parts and did all the dirty work. "Take the loader or the flatbed and pull that old Plymouth out by the back fence." said Mr. Fowler. "Get her loaded up and I'll tell you where she's going." "There's a pylon in front of it just so you know". Ollie got up slowly and proceeded to ineffectively wipe the cream cheese from his beard as he closed the Hustler magazine he'd cleverly camouflaged in a National Geographic cover. " I'm reading ". "Ya ya ya" he said, which was out of place for a guy who's two-word vocabulary normally consisted of only shit and fuck. As he pulled up to the car, Ollie rolled his eyes and sarcastically said "Here we go" as he assessed the situation. It wasn't long before he called Mr. Fowler on the 2 way. "How the fuck am I supposed to get this thing out?" he asked. " It's backed right up against the fence sandwiched between the titanic and her majesty's royal shit box for Christ sake!"

"Just figure it out!" replied Mr. Fowler. Ollie begrudgingly exited the truck. He knew that the loader was essentially useless in this situation but quickly noticed a few inches of room on either side of the car. "We'll do this the easy way" he said. He proceeded to back the flatbed up to the front of the car. He set the ramp down, extended the tow line out and attached it to the frame beneath the lower front grille. He slowly took out the slack in the cable as he attempted to pull the car onto the ramp. "C'mon Roll" he said with fingers crossed as the winch strained against the weight of the car. It became apparent very quickly that she wasn't moving. "Motherfucker!" he yelled. He reached into the truck to get the sledge but realized there wasn't enough room to swing it if the wheels were locked up like he suspected. He dropped the sledge hammer to the ground, approached the front of the car and tried rocking it. She wouldn't budge. Infuriated, Ollie picked up the orange pylon and threw it at the car. It bounced harmlessly off the windshield. He went back to working the winch controls back and forth repeatedly until he became irate. "You fuckin piece of shit!" he screamed. He pushed the winch lever further forward. Still nothing. "Fuck you then you fuckin c***!" he screamed. "I'll rip you in half!" Enraged, he pushed the lever to the full forward position. As the winch growled and screeched, Ollie turned to check the pressure on the hydraulic gauges which were pegged dangerously in the red. Then out of nowhere he heard what sounded like an old song. It was faint at first, but the volume quickly increased, and it immediately broke his train of thought. Puzzled, he looked around the yard to see where it was coming from.

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His curious expression quickly morphed into one of confusion and fear as he turned and realized the music was coming from the car. For a split second he saw the headlights burning brightly! Then SNAP!

Mr. Fowler and his wife were still looking for the paperwork on the car when he heard a beep on the two way and what sounded like music playing through the speaker. Growing more and more frustrated he thought "What in the hell is he doing back there?" It was then that he heard an eerie gurgling sound and what sounded like a primal groaning. He stopped mid motion as he reached for the handset. His mind raced to process what he was hearing. Struck with an overwhelming feeling that something was wrong, he ran out of the house, onto his 4-wheeler and sped to the back of the yard. As he got closer he could see Ollie laying on the ground next to the truck. He was entwined in cable. His lower jaw was missing, and his throat was mangled. There was blood and teeth everywhere. Mr. Fowler did everything he could not to panic and quickly removed his flannel shirt. He tried frantically to hold what was left of Ollie's throat together. He'd never seen a person's eyes so wide open. They clearly expressed the sheer terror of Ollie's ordeal as he struggled to breathe. By the time the ambulance arrived it was too late.

By early afternoon the police had finished and approached him and his wife. "We're done here John" the detective explained. "I'm very sorry for your loss." The shock on their faces spoke for itself. In all the years he had been in business there had never been a serious accident at the yard let alone a fatal one. Mr. Fowler's wife was visibly upset and started toward the house once the police had gone. With tears in her eyes she turned to him and said, "Get that damn car outta here John!" Speechless, he soon found himself alone in the yard and slowly made his way back to where it had happened. He saw that the car was nearly on the trailer and decided to finish the job not for himself, but for his wife. He picked up the winch line and was struck by what he saw. "It didn't snap" he thought. It looked "melted" rather than frayed and this didn't make any sense. He eventually concluded that Ollie must have made a shoddy weld or repair in a pinch and forgotten to re-loop and bracket the line. "Dammit Ollie" he said to himself as he shook his head in disbelief. He took the time to properly repair the cable, reattached the hook and slowly pulled the car onto the flatbed trailer.

By this time Ryan's father had arrived home and was surprised to see the car hadn't been dropped off. As he exited his truck, Ryan's bus pulled up and let him off. He looked around and saw that the car wasn't there as well. "What's going on Dad?" he asked. "Where's the car?" Ryan's father thought about for a moment and suggested that Mr. Fowler likely wanted to wait until they were home in case he needed help. "That makes sense" Ryan thought. So, they both headed into the house, got changed and sat down to wait for his arrival. Just then, they heard the sound of a diesel engine coming up the road and it wasn't long before they saw Mr. Fowler pull into the driveway. Richard quickly noticed the look on Mr. Fowler's face. Under his breath he said to himself "Something's not right" and he told Ryan to give him a few minutes to talk to Mr. Fowler alone. As he approached, he could see that Mr. Fowler looked exhausted and disheveled. "How ya doing John?" he asked. "Hi Rich, could be better I'm afraid." he somberly replied. "Is something wrong?" he concernedly asked. "Well we had an accident at the yard this morning and Ollie passed away" he replied. "I'm so sorry" replied Rich. Mr. Fowler was old fashioned and had very little to say about it. He was tempted to tell Rich the story at first but saw Ryan and his mother in the front window smiling as they looked at the car. He didn't want to ruin their excitement, so he looked at Rich and said, "With everything that's happened I didn't have a chance to find the title for the car." "I totally understand" replied Rich. "Take all the time you need. It's not like the kid will be driving it anytime soon." he said. "I appreciate that more than you know." replied John. "Give me a few days to get things sorted and I'll bring it by as soon as I can." Rich agreed and motioned to Ryan through the window to come on out. They proceeded to help Mr. Fowler unload the car and they slowly pushed it into the garage. Ryan's euphoria was obvious. They spent the next few hours looking the car over intently and explored every nook and Cranny. It wasn’t long before Ryan's mother peeked out the back door and said. "Dinner's getting cold!" So, Ryan's father said "Enough for today my boy. Dinner with family comes first." As they exited the garage, Ryan's father hit the garage door button. As Ryan turned towards the door, he patted the fender affectionately as he walked out.

At dinner, He and his father talked about the car. His mother soon became bored with the conversation but let them continue. Seeing her husband and son getting along so well as they shared a common interest made her very happy. "So where do we start?" Asked Ryan. "With some soap, water and the shop vac" his father joked. "Tomorrow though Ok?" said his father. Ryan agreed, and as they ate dinner, he searched the internet on his phone to find out as much as he could about the car. He was thrilled when he determined it was a Fury from 1958. "Wow Dad! It's a 58 Fury!" he said "How cool!" After looking over some pictures he got even more excited when he learned that she had a one year only 350 cubic inch V8! He proceeded to tell his father all about it. Ryan leaned back in his chair with a smile as he reveled in all the details. His mother quickly noticed the time. “It’s getting late! Enough car talk" she said. "It's homework time don't you think?". His father noddingly agreed, so Ryan went to his room and sat down to look over the small bit of homework he'd been given. "Good old Mr. Dunn" he jokingly said. "Homework on the first day?" "Never fails!”

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Chapter 3 (A Right Of Passage)

By the following Friday, Ryan had settled into his new routine. Even though his hands were sore and swollen, he was quite pleased with everything he had accomplished. He had never done so much cleaning and scrubbing in all his life. He spent a few hours after school each day that week cleaning away decades worth of dirt, leaves and dust from the car both inside and out. “After a few washes she didn’t look half bad” he thought to himself. Meanwhile, Rich was just happy to have gotten in a full 40 hours of work that week. He was a foreman at Jacob’s Cement where he oversaw the manufacturing of high grade mixed and precast concrete. They were feeling the pinch of the down turned economy like most manufacturing industries and he worried that the crews’ tolerance level was nearing its breaking point. The year before the staff got no holiday bonus and the profit sharing plan that so many families depended on was shrinking by the minute. Rich was in a tough spot. He was the “Middle Man” who bore the brunt of the frustrations from both the workers and upper management. Still, his crew respected him as he’d made very clear that he stood with his men and always would.

“What’s for lunch today Chief?” asked his shift manager. “PB&J for me today Jimmy” he replied. “What? No caviar this week” he joked. “Nope! My son and I finally got an old car to restore so gotta make some concessions” he jokingly replied. “Speaking of concessions “replied Jimmy. “If OSHA finds out we haven’t upgraded that external hydraulic control unit we’re all gonna pay the price when they shuts us down for good!” “It’s been acting up all morning and the guys are tired of going outside every hour to calibrate it!" Rich knew that the company would lay off at least five guys for a month to cover the cost of the upgrade. That didn’t sit well with him. He’d brought it up to management at least 4 times before and so far, his complaints had fallen on deaf ears. Sure, it was a double-edged sword but the safety of his men came first. He assured Jimmy he would raise hell about it and get it taken care of. “Thanks Chief” replied Jimmy. “So anyway, what did you buy?” he asked. “A 1958 Plymouth” replied Rich. Just then his good friend Bobby Oaks walked up and joined in. “Alright!” He said joyfully. “Another Mopar Man!” Bobby had relocated from West Virginia 15 years earlier and they’d become good friends after working together for so many years. He was a car buff and was known to have raced stock cars back in the day. “What’s she got under the hood?” he asked. “A 350 V8 I think” Replied Rich. “Can’t be.” Exclaimed Bobby. “Ma Mopar didn’t make a 350.” “Well, not according to my son.” Explained Rich. “It’s a one year only thing I guess.” Bobby shook his head in disbelief. “I got to see this!” “Aint no way” “C’mon by tonight then and see for yourself.” replied Rich. “Ryan and I will be puttering with her after dinner. I haven’t had the time to work on it with him since we bought it, so we’ll be out there tonight for sure.” He explained. “Challenge accepted!” replied Bobby. Rich agreed and smiled knowing he and Ryan were in for a treat. Bobby was always up-beat and he was quite the character. Just then the plant air horn sounded, and the men returned to work.

By 3:00 PM, Rockbridge High was starting to clear out quickly being a Friday afternoon. Ryan rushed to his locker and made his way toward the side exit where his Bus would be waiting. As he walked past the east corridor he saw Amy and Tom arguing in the deserted hallway. He couldn’t make out what they were talking about and decided to move on and not get involved. He didn’t want to miss the bus or make things worse for her than they already were. As the buses slowly loaded, he saw Tom and Amy heading towards his car. Ryan shook his head as they approached the brand-new BMW. They were still arguing. After entering the car, he saw Tom just sit there motionless as Amy repeatedly tried to open the passenger side door. It seemed to go on for an eternity. As much as Ryan felt for her, there was nothing he could do. As his bus pulled out he watched as she just stood there until they were out of sight.

Upon arriving home, Ryan’s father told him they would be having company later that night. “Remember Bobby Oaks?” He asked. “Oh, that guy from work?” asked Ryan. Rich laughed and said, “The one and only!” As his mother smiled, Ryan said “Yes I remember him. The Race car driver, right?” “Yes sir” replied Rich. “He’s coming by tonight to look over the car and give us a few pointers.” Ryan started to get excited. He wanted to try and start the car, but his father had forbidden him from attempting it. Rich was a cautious and thorough problem solver. He didn’t want to do more harm than good by prematurely starting her up. Ryan thought that Bobby could convince his father to give it a try and hoped for the best.

Bobby’s timing was perfect when he pulled in. Ryan’s family had just finished dinner and it wasn’t long before they opened the garage door and unveiled the car. Bobby was enthusiastic from the start. Upon seeing the car he said “Look at this beauty! Good old-fashioned Detroit steel!” he proclaimed. They popped the hood and Bobby’s jaw dropped. “Y’all have something really special here!” he said. By now, Ryan was in his glory and smiling from ear to ear. Rich knew Bobby could be quite the embellisher. Regardless, he made them both feel like a million bucks. As Bobby mulled over the engine bay he looked on in awe. “Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! She’s got two fours right out of the factory!” he said “Granddaddy of the muscle car right here! Hot Damn!” “How many miles are on the old girl?” He asked. “Forty-three!” replied Ryan. Rich and Bobby looked at each other and laughed. “That’d be a one hunnert thousand'n forty-three.” Said Bobby. After explaining how the odometer worked, Ryan understood. “So, what’s the plan here boys?” he asked. Rich explained that they’d like to get the engine looked at by an expert. Seeing his opportunity, Ryan joined in and said, “I wish we could get her running.” Bobby patted Rich on the shoulders as their faces got uncomfortably close. He looked Rich dead in the eyes and said, “Well it’s a damn good thing I don’t charge by the hour then isn’t it!” “Let’s roll!”

He gave Ryan a high five and told him to find a long stick and to grab a few rags. Within seconds, he pulled the battery, set it on the workbench and plugged it into Rich’s trickle charger. He saw that Rich had a very old timing light sitting on top of the bench. "Look at this friggin thing!" he said! "Vintage 1893!" "Better call the electric plant and tell 'em to fire up the backup reactor!" he joked. Surprised and embarrassed, Rich explained that they'd spent their entire starting budget on the purchase of the car and that it would be some time before they could buy any needed parts or tools. Ryan immediately remembered his father’s words of wisdom on the car ride home from the yard. They suddenly made sense. That didn't phase Bobby in the least. He grinned and enthusiastically said “What? You boys never heard of a poor man’s tune up before?” Perplexed, Ryan and his father looked at each other and chuckled. “Not really.” They replied. “Well it’s time to go to college and get some knowledge!” said Bobby. He ran to his truck and returned with a large cooler and old portable radio. He handed Rich a beer and asked, “How about my new partner Ryan here?” Rich hesitated. For a moment, time seemed to suddenly stand still. "This was it." He thought. It was that moment when a father and son had their first beer together. He couldn’t say no and he knew it. Especially with Bobby there. He nodded in approval and gestured to Ryan behind Bobby’s back as he held up his index finger and winked. Ryan knew that meant he could only have one and that was good enough for him. He smiled, and they got to work. In between singing almost every word to the classic country rock songs on the radio, Bobby coordinated things as they dug in.

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Before long they were working together like a well-trained pit crew. They were having a blast! With every completed task came a small victory and a toast. Rich and Ryan did their best to sing along with Bobby but once he started dancing as they worked, all they could do was laugh! Eventually, Bobby took the long stick and dipped it into the gas tank. After smelling it he said, “Good to go!” and proceeded to pass it around. “Half a tank and it doesn’t smell like varnish!” said Bobby. He showed them how to pull the spark plugs and clean them up with some emery cloth. They cleaned the metal contacts on the distributor cap and rotor the same way and Bobby expertly set the gap on the points. He checked the transmission fluid and checked the oil last. The oil was clean but down 3 quarts. “Got any oil?” Asked Bobby. Rich looked around the garage and found a spare quart. They were still 2 quarts shy. “I just changed the oil on the truck” Rich said. Ryan started to get concerned. Just then Bobby looked at him and said “What’s the matter son? You look as nervous as a whore in Church!” Rich just shook his head smiling and Ryan laughed hysterically as Bobby picked up the waste oil container and inspected it carefully. “I need two empty 2-liter soda bottles and a roll or two of toilet paper!” proclaimed Bobby. Rich looked on in pleasant disbelief and Ryan ran into the house. He emerged a few minutes later and handed them over. Bobby pulled out his pocket knife and proceeded to cut out the bottoms off the soda bottles. He made sure the caps were tight and poked some holes into the cap on one of them. After positioning that bottle inside the other he packed the innermost bottle with wadded toilet paper. He poured in the dirty used oil from the waste container, stood up proudly and said, “All hail the redneck oil filter!” Ryan and his father jokingly bowed. After a few minutes they had 3 clean quarts. Ryan couldn’t get over that and kept chuckling every few seconds. Bobby proceeded to give each cylinder a few squirts of oil, reinstalled the cleaned spark plugs and then finally, the battery.

Ryan was concerned about the spark plug wires that seemed to be in disarray. “How do we know where each one goes?” He asked. “That's easy!" He said "They go in the same order as my girlfriends!” said Bobby. “Annabelle, Dixie, Fanny and Lou. Bonnie, Linda, Peggy and Sue! “They all let out a big laugh and before long Bobby said “Here we go! Best open the back door of the garage! The stinks gonna be bad enough to gag a maggot!” Ryan’s father opened the back door. Bobby told Ryan to get in the car and turn the key when he gave him the green light. He poured some gas into the primary carburetor and worked the throttle. He gave Ryan the thumbs up. His adrenaline was pumping as he turned the key. “Nothin” said Bobby. "Make sure she's in neutral boss!" Ryan checked and made sure the N button on the shifter pod was fully depressed. They tried again. "Zilch!" Bobby exclaimed. He asked Rich for the battery charger. When he attached it he soon saw that the battery had a full charge. He spent the next few minutes checking the wires and connections. “Go for it!” he yelled. Again, there was nothing. Bobby tried every trick in the book for the next hour. “We got fuel and fire” he said. “She’s not seized up! I don’t get it.” He told Ryan to turn on the radio. With the key on the radio remained silent. “Well sometimes them old tube radios need time to warm up” he said. After 20 more minutes they made no progress and the car showed no signs of life let alone starting. Ryan was disappointed but still cheerful. He was having so much fun enjoying Bobby's antics that he barely noticed their lack of success. Bobby had made it a night to remember regardless.

“Lemme consult my compatriarchs!” he said optimistically. “I think it’s the starter or the regulator." " Bobby Oaks never missed a race and he ain’t gonna start now!” he proclaimed. Bobby took one more long walk around the car. “Aint a lick of rust on her!” he said. “He took a clean rag with a bit of oil and proceeded to repeatedly rub a spot on the quarter panel.”Well I’ll be damned!” he said. Ryan’s eyes opened widely as the paint seemed to shine and come right back. “See this here?” he said. “Get yerself a buffin wheel and some compound and she’ll be shinier’n a diamond in a goat's ass!” As Bobby stood up he slowed down a bit and his words suddenly became slurred. “Ya know, go out there on the interwebnet… on boob tube and see how it’s done.” “You mean YouTube?” Ryan joked. “Yeah that’n right there.” Replied Bobby. Rich patted Bobby on the shoulder and asked "You gonna be alright to drive?” Bobby thought about it for a moment and with rosie cheeks said "Well how about you and me race and we’ll find out!” "Nope!” Replied Rich. With a little convincing Bobby soon gave in and accepted Rich's offer for a ride home. After shaking hands, the three of them decided to call it a night. Bobby promised to come again the following weekend and told Ryan to “Hold the fort” till he got there. As they approached Rich’s truck, Bobby became silent. He turned to Ryan and his fun expression suddenly became very stern and serious. "Hey Ryan" he said. “There's one more thing I gotta ask ya.” Ryan listened intently. He had never seen Bobby so serious before. Just then, Bobby asked “What time do you call a girl with eight toes and a mustache?” Ryan was confused and silent. Bobby asked again. "What time do you call a girl with eight toes and a mustache?" Ryan didn't know what he meant but could see that he was serious. He decided to take a guess. “I don’t know." He respectfully answered. "In the morning?” Bobby looked at Rich and then back at Ryan. All of the sudden he slapped his knee and said “Well damn son, it’s a good thing your callin her cause I sure as hell aint!” They all roared with laughter! As Ryan headed into the house laughing, he massaged his face with both hands it hurt so bad. Rich suddenly stopped as he cleared off the seat for Bobby. He spotted something. “Oh no! I forgot all about this!” he said. He reached into the truck and handed Ryan an old yellowed Plymouth service manual. “I Got you something son.” He said. "With all the excitement I forgot all about it!" Ryan was very grateful.”This was the greatest night ever Dad!” he exclaimed. Rich smiled and said “Your welcome kiddo!” “Now hit the hay!” With that Rich proceeded to guide Bobby into the passenger side of the truck. As they waved good bye and started their drive, Bobby got serious again and said "Hey, I didn't wanna mention it but you had a phone call when you were in the bathroom'n they were madder'n hell." Shocked and surprised, Rich asked "Oh no! Really, who was it?" Bobby was straight faced at first but soon cracked a devious smile. "It was the Smithsonian people." he said. "They want their timing light back!"

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"We'll make it better ha? Can't hurt us anymore. Not if we work together. We'll show those shitters what we can do."
.......Arnold "Cuntface" Cunningham
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